I have always admired trees. They know their place within the big circle of life. From a tiny seed, they grow strong roots within the earth and stretch their branches up to the sky. Rooted in their purpose in this ecosystem, they reach out, touch and sustain other life forms, each with their own unique life expression, each contributing to the whole. They are a living breathing expression of the natural law of life. They are so much more than meets the eye, so much more that goes unseen beneath the surface.
As I make my way through my day, feet walking on the ground, limbs at my side, my head extending upwards to the sky, I am aware that amongst the many intricate systems within my body that keep me alive, there is also much turmoil beneath the surface of my skin. A restless feeling of disconnect and discontent. An inner tension; a welling up of energy and emotion, calling for my attention.
I am awakened from a deep slumber to see my life, as not being fully lived. I am going through the motions, but I cannot feel the pulse of my life. As I gaze at the tree outside of my window, I have a sense that I am not living in alignment with my true nature. And so I find myself, at the edge. Of what I am not sure, only that I am being nudged from the inside out towards the periphery, towards the edge of my known, habitual self. I am standing at the threshold, at the edge of change.
Where will my journey take me? I’m not sure. The one thing I am sure of though, is that I cannot go on living a life that is not congruent to who I am. I must leave my known, habitual, programmed existence, and go on an inward and outward journey into the wilderness that each provides. To feel fully alive, in life, as life, shedding beliefs, perceptions, routine, and moving beyond the limits of my learned, patterned understanding. I need to go back to the root, to the foundation, learning from my own experience and lived perspective.
This is where my journey begins. In the letting go of the status quo, with a deep desire to know and feel my connection to life, with all of life. To broaden my understanding of the world that I live in from nature’s perspective, because nature is who I am and where I live.
I have not studied biology. I don’t know a lot about the plant kingdom, the animal kingdom, the ecosystem, the cosmos, but I feel it is a part of my learning, to understand the surroundings in which I live. I live on a planet full of life, and yet I do not understand the intricate system in which I live. I therefore, do not understand my place within this system.
Our intellect, detached from our living connection to the natural world will be our demise. The disconnection I feel stems from a total disconnection and misalignment with myself as a natural living being.
Being disconnected has served no purpose. It has rather changed our course to a course of disassociation, depression, and destruction. We can see and feel it all around us. The restlessness, the loneliness, the delusion and the lack of understanding that has served to isolate us from living in the fullness of life, as a bud whose nourishment has been cut off, with the life force draining slowly away.
In finding my way I must shed layers upon layers of internal conditioning, facing challenges and fears while traveling through unknown terrain. Turning away from the safety of the known, into the vastness of the unknown, it will take courage, to be pushed to the edge over and over again. Taking leaps of faith while experiencing resistance, as I will feel like I am experiencing a thousand deaths to my known self.
And yet, this ‘thing’ inside me, this life spark, nudges me on, towards living life abundantly, in the fullness of the human experience.
And so I find myself here, standing at the edge where my journey begins.